This one's for the girls (boob warning)

My first two children were adopted, so when we found out I was pregnant with our son I decided to do what all the "most perfect mothers" do and look into this thing they call nursing. My experience the first time around was overall a positive one. I was able to nurse my son for almost a year, had milk stored in the freezer and so on. We had no major problems, only pumping inconveniences and maybe one or two embarrassing moments. (Forgetting to wear pads while serving in a nursery full of crying babies at church-to which my husband refused to give me his shirt & the long list of semi truck drivers whom I've flashed while pumping and driving.) 

This time around is another story! My pretty little girl arrived the 1st part of May and to say it's been eventful is an understatement.

*She was due the 17th and showed up on the 6th

*my labor and contractions were so irregular I waited to go to the hospital & then thought I was going to deliver in the car 

*Charlie tried calling the hospital on the way to make sure the anesthesiologist didn't leave-but he did, ahhhh! 

*during set-up the nurse asked what my results for the group B strep test was-I didn't know at that time it was positive.  

*I did get the epidural started but didn't have enough time for it to kick in. I figured something was going on when I looked over to see my nurse frantically punching buttons on the machine asking if I was still in pain.  

*I left the house after 1 am and she was delivered at 4:14 am; with the fast delivery she wasn't able to receive the antibiotics for my group B strep.

Now I know women often say the epidural didn't work and most of the time it's an exaggeration, but I swear it's the truth. In comparison to my son's delivery I cannot put into words how much I felt and how painful it was. I even tried to ignore a contraction so I wouldn't have to start pushing-who does that? Hello the doc can tell! Oh my...
Back in our room, my little peanut nursed pretty good but I started to notice her impatience. Soon we were both frustrated, tired and hangry  (there's only so many dozens of peanut butter cookies a gal can eat) she would start to eat then fall asleep... still hungry. I couldn't wake her up, she sleeps like her dad & still does. So I'd send her to the nursery only to have her refuse the place and be back in my bed within minutes. At one point I said give her formula and tried to lock my door! 

Fast forward: 
At her first doctors appointment she appeared to have a yellow belly  (I couldn't see it, I'm not good with these things you should see me look at an ultra sound photo-leg, frog legs or penis? I literally had my sons 4d pic upside down and thought his penis was a finger-I wasn't even concerned there were only 3? I don't know!) Anyway doc wanted to bump up her feedings to try and flush the jaundice out. Nursing every hour-sign me up! Ugh...
She then developed thrush, but thankfully by then I was mostly pumping and didn't catch it. We rushed off to the doctors office where they prescribed her an antibiotic. It cleared up quickly and since my milk production seemed pretty low I brought her back to the breast, soon after I started experiencing excruciating boob pain. 100% positive she gave me thrush I called the doc for a rx, but they wanted to see me. I went in and discovered I had mastitis, not thrush, I was wrong. Turns out between nursing every hour, milk over production, thrush, jaundice, etc she wasn't emptying the breast all the way. So I increased my pumping time and frequency, took hot showers, used heating pads and tried any other tip people gave me. It somewhat worked but I ended up needing to start the antibiotic she gave me. 
During every conversation and diagnosis they kept saying it's common really, actually pretty normal. Needless to say none of that kept me from feeling like a gross, walking petri dish full of infections! My boobs hurt so bad I could barely hold my baby, she refuses the breast all together now, my milk is practically non existent and when I am holding her she is incredibly restless. 
Breastfeeding: making mom's feel like failures everywhere
So now I'm trying to re-bond with my baby girl, ward off/get through the baby blues, lose baby weight and solve her gas issues on top of everything else...

**warning: do NOT comment how wonderful, easy, natural, etc your breastfeeding experience is/was. I can't be held responsible for my reaction (most likely punching will be involved)**